


An Inelegant Escape

by TheReluctantWriter



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: (not really but I thought some of you guys might like it), Comedy, Frenemies, Gen, Humor, Kylux - Freeform, TFA - Freeform, crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-16
Updated: 2016-01-16
Packaged: 2018-05-14 06:08:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5732206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheReluctantWriter/pseuds/TheReluctantWriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>General Hux jogged through the woods, reflecting glumly on the fact that he was probably going to die retrieving the mangled corpse of someone he hated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Inelegant Escape

**Author's Note:**

> A Nonsense inspired by a text post by trashcansideblog on tumblr, who pointed out that while all the fanart of Hux carrying Kylo to safety is nice and all, we would be more realistic to portray him dragging Kylo clumsily through the snow by his feet (http://trashcansideblog.tumblr.com/post/137287093656/everyone-is-drawing-hux-carrying-kylo-bridal-style).

General Hux jogged through the woods, reflecting glumly on the fact that he was probably going to die retrieving the mangled corpse of someone he hated. His emergency shuttle claimed to have recognized a life form roughly the size of the wayward Knight of Ren in the vicinity, but Hux couldn’t see shit. Well, other than the trees shaking and the light dimming and _fucking hell the ground is moving what the fuck I regret everything_. There was a nasty cracking, rending sound from somewhere uncomfortably close by. Hux cringed and seriously considered turning around to make break for the ship by himself. _If Kylo Ren isn’t dead already he will be in about four minutes, so would Snoke even know if I—_ before he could finish that thought ( _“yes, of course he would, and he’d have your balls cut off and stuffed in your ears”_ ) the toe of Hux’s meticulously polished boot caught under a rotten log and he was facedown in the snow. He kicked at the log vindictively. The log moaned softly.

Hux let out an unmanly yelp, scrambled to his feet, and was greeted by the site of nobody’s favorite Force-user sprawled on the ground in a tangle of bloodied robes. He prodded at it.

“Ren. KYLO REN.”

No answer. Hux shook Kylo’s shoulder roughly. His hand came away red with blood, and Kylo moaned again, eyelids fluttering briefly. _Shit_ , thought Hux, _he’s alive, he’s a goddamn mess, AND he’s my responsibility_. He glanced at the sky. Light was fading quickly. Throwing the taller man’s arm over his shoulder, Hux made a valiant attempt at heaving him into an upright position, which failed immediately as Kylo’s legs buckled under him and they crashed to the ground in a heap. An elbow (unintentional! Honest!) directly to Kylo’s three broken ribs returned him rudely to consciousness. 

“General?” he gasped, grasping weakly at Hux’s jacket with half-frozen fingers. “The girl! _Where is she?_ ”

“I don’t know,” said Hux tensely, stealing another worried glance at the rapidly darkening sky. “It doesn’t matter. We have to get off the base.”

“Of course it matters, you moron! _Aah!_ What are you—” 

“Supreme Leader’s orders,” Hux said grimly, wrestling Kylo into a sitting position. “We have to go. Now. At this rate we only have a few minutes before the whole base disintegrates. Can you stand?”

“Of course I can stand,” Kylo snapped. Clutching at Hux’s shoulder, he clawed his way almost upright before falling back with a groan of pain. He was very pale. _Maybe even paler than usual_ , Hux thought. “Bowcaster,” Kylo gasped, gesturing vaguely at his side. “I think....lost a lot of blood.” 

“Okay,” said Hux distractedly. “Right. Fine. I’ll have to carry you.” Planting his knees in the snow, he scooped Kylo into his arms (“ _bridal style_ ,” crooned an obnoxious, cackling voice in the back of his head) and struggled to his feet. Kylo yelped at the pressure on his ribs. 

“No—don’t— _OW!”_

His complexion was approaching grey now. 

“If you throw up on me, I’d dropping you,” Hux managed, staggering under the Knight’s not insignificant heft. Kylo chose to faint instead, turning into a gangling dead weight that Hux immediately dropped anyway. “Fuck,” he muttered.

The ground shook violently, and darkness fell. General Hux estimated that they were thirty yards from the ship, and Kylo was simply too tall and too heavy to carry that far that quickly. Hux grabbed his charge’s ankles and started dragging.

Kylo’s hands trailed limply behind him as his head bounced off rocks and tree roots in a way that probably would have been funny under other circumstances, but Hux was understandably distracted by the now deafening noise of Starkiller Base tearing itself apart. He cringed at a loud _BOOM_ and felt a flash of heat as the horizon lit up with an eerie orange glow.

Kylo Ren’s eyes fluttered open again as blood was rather forcefully returned to his head, bringing him to something resembling consciousness.

“What are you doing?” he croaked in a tone of groggy outrage. There’s snow up my—“

“ _SHUT THE FUCK UP_ ,” Hux screeched, and decided that shuffling backwards any further would get them both killed. He dropped one of Kylo’s legs, turned himself around, and sprinted jerkily towards the ship, dragging his indignant charge by one black-booted foot. In an impressive burst of adrenaline fueled strength he practically flung Kylo up the ramp into the shuttle, ignoring squawks of protest as he scrambled to mash every kind of “make ship go” button he could find on the dashboard.

The shuttle roared to life, and what was left of the ground fell away beneath them.  


General Hux sat there in silence for a minute, massaging a stitch in his side and realizing that he had no more excuses to avoid administering first aid to the man sprawled on the floor behind him, a task that sounded only slightly more pleasant than performing dental work on a rathtar. Hux brightened slightly when he remembered that he still needed to update Snoke on the success of this daring rescue mission that he had never volunteered for. The Supreme Leader would already know of course, because, well, Force. But he would be expecting a prompt report anyway. Hux pressed a button. He pressed it again. Then he pressed several other buttons. _Shit. The radio’s out._

“Ren?” he said tentatively.

There was a pained sound from the floor, which Hux decided to take as a response.

“The radio’s out. I need to let Supreme Leader Snoke know where we are. You can communicate with him from here, right?” he asked, pointing at his temple. Kylo groaned again.

“That’s not how the Force works,” he said weakly.


End file.
